How to process emotions:
Learning from animals about soothing and release…
As humans, we have achieved some fairly cool stuff in our time. From technological advances to medical ones. What we do for entertainment to what we can achieve physically. But along the way, the biggest skill we’ve lost? How to process emotions and, by extension, live in connection with ourselves. And what happens when we fail to notice, let alone process these feeling of ours, is that they have a tendency to get stuck and eventually manifest in all sorts of unpleasant ways like: illness, pain, anxiety, depression and panic. All is not lost, though. There are plenty of ways we can overcome this disconnection between our mind and our body. Let me take you through them:
How to process emotions: Step 1… Noticing
As an EFT practitioner, I work with people brave enough to acknowledge that the old-school traditions of suppression, distraction and numbing just aren’t cutting the mustard (hello alcohol, retail therapy, Netflix binges and technology addiction, etc. – I see you there!). While these techniques are effective as a ‘stop gap’, they were only ever intended as coping tools to get you through the moment. They were never meant to be the only thing we use, especially when it comes to the big emotions and difficult experiences like loss, grief, heartbreak, illness and trauma.
So Step 1 in how to better process emotions is to simply notice (without judgement) that you’re having them! It sounds simple, but you’d be surprised at how expert we’re getting at missing when we’re ‘having a moment’. By simply being aware of what’s happening within us at any given time, we open ourselves up to being able to do something about it. If you don’t know it’s there, how can you process it, right?
How to process emotions: Step 2… Naming
Many people probably feel they have a fair handle on emotions that exist in the world. We can see when someone else is hurting, stressed, elated, shy – our empathy isn’t in question. But what about how YOU feel? How is your emotional vocabulary when you point it inward? Can you, for instance, tell the difference when you’re experiencing doubt vs. insecurity? It’s not always an easy process, but with practice and a bit of tapping to help connect to that feeling, noticing and naming your emotions becomes easier.
When I knew I was feeling ‘something’ and I wasn’t sure what it was I would stop and tap – the tapping helped me connect to that feeling and allowed me to observe it while I figured out what emotion it could be.
This is one area that I had to develop in my healing journey as I had spent most of my life disconnected from my body and my feelings (a large part of the reason I ended up with Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome). At some point in my life I had learned that being rational and logical for the greater good is what mattered most and MY feelings had no part in that. So I had shut myself off from my emotional world. When I started this journey of looking inward I didn’t even have the words to describe what I felt as I had never talked much about feelings. I found this variation of the Wheel of Emotions, created by Psychologist Robert Plutchik in the 1980’s, a useful resource to have on hand to help me identify the feelings and build my vocabulary. Emotional recognition is an important step towards emotional regulation.
How to process emotions: Step 3… Tapping
Now that we can safely acknowledge and name the feelings swirling within us, we are free to release them. This is where Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) really comes into its own! By tapping on specific points on our body we have the ability to calm our mind, body and nervous system while processing and releasing feelings that may have previously seemed insurmountable. We face our emotions head-on with curiosity, calm and compassion instead of slipping into the standard avoidance responses.
It’s here we can learn a thing or two from our (much wiser) animal friends. Animals have ways of releasing their trauma physically so it doesn’t stay stuck within their bodies. Dogs ‘shake it off’ when excited or stressed. Polar bears even have their own version! Watch this fascinating video:
These are evolutionarily adaptive responses that we humans have learned to override for some reason and without ways to release these natural responses, those trapped feelings and impulses can come out in various uncontrolled mental and physical ways.
But, I digress…
With practice – and it does take practice – we can strengthen the emotional processing muscles in our brain and nervous system, and even expand our repertoire. By getting comfortable sitting with difficult emotions, we also open ourselves up to our ability to sit with more positive ones too… joy, love and connection are well and truly on the table. After all, our emotions are all connected and interwoven
Early on in my journey I found Kahlil Gibran’s words on joy and sorrow comforting. It helped me understand that my ability to feel things is part of the human experience and the more I am able to sit with my sorrows the more joy I allow myself to experience in life too.
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
…
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight ”
So there’s a crash course in not only how to process emotions, but why it’s important. In order to live a connected, healthful life, we need to stop avoiding and start embracing our emotions no matter the size. By being aware and mindful we are opening ourselves up to the immense possibilities of a truly fulfilling existence. And remember, you won’t be an expert after your first try, but the more you practice, the better you’ll get – so keep at it!
Lou Coles is an EFT Tapping practitioner who supports people in recovery from anxiety, depression, trauma, chronic illness and pain.
